Everlane linen blend tank (runs big!), AE Jeans (run TTS), Sam Edelman shoes (Go 1/2 size down!), Baublebar Earrings, VV purse, VV white jean jacket, AE sunnies
I want to purchase a pair of Abercrombie high rise super skinny jeans you always rave about. Would you recommend Dark Wash or Rinse Wash for a travel capsule wardrobe?
Yes! The Abercrombie high rise skinnies are the best bargain jeans eveerrrrrr! So I think this totally depends on your preference. I have the dark wash, but for summer, I usually go with a lighter wash jean because dark skinnies feel very winter to me. However, dark is easier to dress up, hides dirt easier. Also, It’s more flattering–so it’s totally up to you! Whatever you feel most beautiful and confident in is the right choice for you!
I also just got these light-wash high-waisted jeggings from AE (shown above, which is a sneak peak of my Summer Weekend Travel Capsule Wardrobe post coming soon!!) and I’m obsessed with the button fly and their stretch-factor, which makes them so comfy! They run TTS and I know you’ll be obsessed with them. (You know, while we’re on the topic of high school brand revival.) They look totally like Madewell’s version but less than half the price!
Are you planning on changing your last name? How/why did you come to that decision?
I was really torn about this, and I still am, and I didn’t really realize how much my last name meant to me until after we got married. I had always planned on changing it, and Neal is super supportive either way (as is the whole Loftus fam!) but after the wedding I just kept putting it off. A couple months in, Neal said something like, “I’ve noticed you aren’t exactly in a hurry to change your name…” and I burst into tears!
Here’s the thing: I’ve been “Keys” my whole life. I was never “Jess” until I graduated college–I was always Keys. I’ve built a brand on this name, I love this name, it makes me feel a connection to my family who I rarely see because they live across the country, and sadly, the name stops with me. My dad is the only Keys brother, and I’m the youngest of two daughters, and when I change it, that’s it–the end. No more Keys.
There’s also a lot behind my name. Funny story–my biological last name isn’t supposed to be Keys.
My dad changed it in high school to take his step-dad’s last name (the man who raised him)–so I really have no “Keys blood” at all–but I think it means so much more this way–it’s not a name my dad was born with but went out of his way to take because of how important his step-dad was to him. To me, this makes it even more special.
(And another thing–I am SO BAD at anything tedious, so how much work it takes to change your name everywhere just sounds like an impossible task for me to complete. Getting new credit cards (and changing them on EVERYTHING I have on auto-pay which is about 100 different things), getting a new drivers license, stopping at various government buildings–this just seems very unrealistic to me. ?)
On the flip-side, I don’t think I could’ve hand-picked a more incredible family to marry into.
It means so much to me to be part of them–one of them–and for that reason, I do very much want to change my name. I want to be all-in Loftus! (Granted, nobody in the family thinks I am “less” of a Loftus because my last name is still Keys–I think I’m truly the only one who thinks about it.) But here’s the thing–Neal and I are a team–and I feel like that by taking his last name, it further strengthens that fact. Why wouldn’t I take him last name? We’re a package deal through and through.
So, I guess this is my roundabout way of telling you, it’s something I’ve been chewing on for awhile. What I’ve settled on is that I’m not quite ready to officially change it right now, as we speak, but when we have kids, I will definitely change it because I think that gets confusing and I don’t want my kids to wonder why their last name is different than mine.
As for professionally, I will always be Jess Keys, even when I change it privately. It’s my personal brand that I’ve worked very hard to build, so that part will always remain!
One funny thing that makes me feel better:
All my college girlfriends were at dinner this past winter and this exact topic came up. I’m the last of them to get married–some have been married for three years, even–we all looked around and said “wait, has anyone ACTUALLY changed their name legally?” and NOBODY had ? Clearly this is a millennial trend that nobody talks about ? Maybe this will just become kind of the social norm?
I would love to know what those of you who are married think–did you go through the emotional back and forth over it?
I’d love to know how you take care of your clothes! They always look in such nice condition and I struggle keeping mine looking good.
AH! That is funny that you ask, because yesterday’s blog post was ALL ABOUT my laundry process, how I care for my clothes and keep them looking new. It’s probably the most in-depth post I’ve ever written, but it’s a really good one and it will totally change the way you approach doing your laundry!
The biggest secret is quite simple: I don’t wash my clothes unless they are dirty. Really! When you think about it, avoiding over-processing anything is kind of my motto. It’s the same approach I take with my hair–I don’t wash my hair more often than I need to, and I avoid using heat and hot tools on it as much as I can get away with.
The long and short of it is–the dryer is probably the worst possible thing for your clothes. The only thing I dry in the dryer clothing-wise are t-shirts, pajamas, underwear and socks–I also always avoid using high heat, because it fades and wears your clothes significantly.
What does your wedding band look like? I would love to see a close up of your wedding band design!
Sure! This is what it looks like! We got both of our bands at CD Peacock and I cannot recommend them enough. They were so helpful and warm and it was a really great experience. I actually wrote a whole blog post about it here and it includes a video too! I love the vintage art-deco feel it has to it. It feels very “me”–I wanted something a little out of the box but still classic and vintage inspired. This was the perfect match.
Hi Jess, I just started reading your blog and love it! What are some of your favorite blogs that you follow?
Aw, first, THANK YOU! So happy to have you following along! Welcome!
And ah, such a great question! Okay so OTHER than my best friends’ blogs, because that would be too obvious haha. I’m going to list the one’s I’ve been following for years and am not friends with in real life (you know, so you don’t think I’m biased. Not that my friends blogs aren’t amazing regardless of my bias, but, you know!)
My #1 favorite blog is Cup of Jo–I check her site almost daily and she was the first blog I started following back when like, blogs began, I am still an avid reader of Cupcakes and Cashmere and I’ve also loved The Stripe forever (since before it was The Stripe!) and I have followed her since the early years. (I finally got to meet Grace on my trip to the Kentucky Derby and she’s just as cool in person as you’d expect!) The Everygirl isn’t a blog but it’s another one of my favorites and it has been since the beginning.
On Instagram, here are some of my faves: Kathleen Barnes–she is HILARIOUS, so down to earth, and so unapologetically herself, you can’t not just love her. Plus, she has some amazing style, too! I also love Krista Robertson for the same reason! She is just SO real and you feel like she’s your friend in real life ?. I mean, I consider Krista to be one of my internet friends, but really, we’ve actually never met in person.
I completely relate to the name-change angst. Growing up, I always assumed I would change my name when I married, without question. When that time came, though, it was SO MUCH HARDER than I had ever anticipated. I had always been a “Clerke.” Friends would sometimes say my first and last name like one name, and I loved being “SusanClerke!” My dad has always been into tracing family history — well before it became trendy — and he and I always connected around that. Professionally, everyone knew me by my name. And yes, it is such a darn hassle… Ultimately, because we ended up having our daughter fairly quickly, I did change it so we could all have the same name. I cheated a little, though, and made Clerke a second middle name. I just couldn’t ditch it altogether! So technically I now have four names, but they’re all important to me and I will never part with any of them! Do what is right for you, and you’ll still be “you” no matter how you sign your name!
I never changed my name. We will be married 15 years this summer. 2 kids later, I have a different last name than my kids but no one is confused. I should however say that in my culture, women do not change their name. I do however live where women do and through the years, I have gotten comments about having a different last name and some of my husband’s family insist on sending things with his last name next to my name. I just ignore it. I never considered changing my last name so never had that back and forth feeling. I really think that it is important to do what feels right to you .
I got married three weeks ago and am seriously struggling with the name change issue and for literally all the exact same reasons as you! I will probably end up changing it when we have kids, but honestly, who knows. it just seems so tedious. My husband doesn’t care either way so I’m not sure why I am so worried about it. Every time I think I’ve made the decision to change it the feminist in me starts screaming “NO!”. UGH!
I changed by name, but still have some weird feelings about it almost six years later! It can be so complicated. For me, my maiden name was a VERY common last name (chances are, it’s one of the ones you’re thinking of when I say that) and my new last name, my husband’s, was unique and special to him, almost in ways similar to your connection to Keys. You say it so nicely–my husband and I are a team and a family, and I wanted our names to reflect that. But sometimes I still feel defensive as a feminist, even though even our maiden names are part of a larger patriarchal system. So thus the weird complicated feelings about the issue! Oh, and yes, the line-waiting is SUCH a pain.
Oh man…the name thing! So hard! I also didn’t want to drop my maiden name, or move it to my middle name, since I have a graduate degree and 10+ years of a career under that name. I added my husband’s last name, so I have two last names with no hyphen. Kept my middle name for family reasons.
It has been fine! For work and publicity materials, I only use my last name, but I’m ok with socially being just his last name. My husband changed his middle name to my maiden name, so we go by the Last Name Last Names on cards, etc. At least, that’s always the title I write down 🙂 I’m sure he doesn’t use his new middle name because he never used his old one!
Whatever you choose will be great! Love your reasons behind it all!
And incidentally…just as an encouragement to do it if it’s a good compromise for you, haha…I’ve never had a problem entering two last names on computer/flight/office forms. It’s actually easier than hyphenating because not all forms recognize hyphens, and that hyphen is legally part of the name so it’s a problem not to be able to enter it. Ok, sorry for long post!
I changed my name after getting married, but also struggled with it. I think it’s an emotional thing for anyone who suddenly has to be known as a different person. The thing that drives me CRAZY now though is the amount of mail that comes to us as, “Mr. and Mrs. Chris King” instead of using my name with it. Like, hi I’m still an individual too! Texas makes it kind of difficult the longer you wait to change it and I knew that one day when we have kids I’d want us all to have the same last name.
I love the same blogs, but I’ll have to check out those Instagram accounts! Thanks! Happy Friday! xAllie
http://www.theallthatglittersblog.com
P.A. I’m doing laundry this weekend and not using the dryer! Thanks for the advice!
I totally get not wanting to change your name! It was really sad for me as well. I was also the last of my lineage for the Newcoms and my husband even called me “Newcom” as a nickname. Plus, I’m a TV producer and my IMDB credits are under my maiden name! The struggle is real! It’s such a pain too! But my husband really really wanted me to change my name ASAP! He had divorced parents and he just felt more like a family unit when we shared “Nyquist” (which is actually the Swedish translation of Newcomer!) It made it a lot easier for me to change it because when we moved to Chicago after our wedding, I knew no one there and immediately everyone I met knew me as Abby Nyquist and no one even knew my maiden name so I got used to it a lot faster than most people I think. I did keep my monogram AEN so it still feels like me and now I do feel like Abby Nyquist. Every once in a while someone will ask me my name and I”ll say Abby Newcom and have to correct myself! We’ve been married for almost 4 years! HA! Whoops! But my husband still calls me Newcom and my parents do too. I’ve had a lot of coworkers wait to change their name until when they have kids and I think that makes a lot of sense. There’s no need to rush if it doesn’t feel 100% right -right now! You’re still a Loftus and a Keys regardless! 🙂 Also, just a tip- you don’t have to change your name on your passport until your passport expires, you just have to book your travel under the name that matches the passport!
I couldn’t wait to get rid of my maiden name .. it just wasn’t cute! Legally I changed everything, but I kept stupid things like my email bc I just can’t be bothered with telling everyone I have a new one. I’m curious how you’d feel if/when you guys decide to have kids .. I always wanted to have the same last name as my kids.
I totally relate on the name change thing!
When I first started dating the man I’m going to marry, I laid out that I didn’t plan to change my name — I love it, people call me by my last name all the time, and professionally it’s important. It was at first a sore spot, but eventually he suggested that we *both* change our surname to double barrel his and mine, and when we have kids, they too will have the double-barrelled surname. Professionally, we’ll both continue to go by our original names, but as a unit, we’ll be our own unique “merger” that still honors our histories. I love that he suggested it and is willing to take on my name as well. I think it’s the best compromise, but totally understand that it’s not for everyone!
I really struggled with the name change thing too! I spent most of my life, including most of college going by my maiden name “Hartzell” instead of my first name, Emily. I still have friends that call me that only. The majority of my close friends now call me Emily and had grown out of Hartzell a little bit, but it was still hugely a part of my identity. I really wanted to end op having two middle names, but it made my name really long legally. It was also important to my husband that I changed my name. I wrestled with this for a while before our actual wedding, but actually ended up just keeping my first and middle and then changing my last name (very traditional). It works for me and I can’t imagine having another name now two years later!
I also had an EASY experience at Social Security and the DMV. I was in and out of both in under an hour total. and then changing your cards is definitely not an emergency! It can take as much time as you want, I still have cards that have my old last name. It’s all good though, just do what your heart tells you! 🙂
Thank you for talking about changing your name!! I, like you, had never questioned that I would take my husband’s name because we are a team, I wanted to have the same last name as our kids, and I just think it’s simpler for everyone in the community to be able to refer to us by our collective name. So I was surprised at how emotional I was when it came to changing it!! And my maiden name is similar to yours – Keyser (pronounced KEY-zur). I shed so many tears during the transition and felt like a piece of my core identity was being ripped away. I like having a fairly unusual last name and since I go by a double name, my friends frequently referred to me by my initials so I felt like I was losing multiple names in one swoop. Fast forward three years in and I hardly think about it anymore and it almost feels like my new last name has always been there. It’s just funny to think that a change that felt so traumatic has become just an ordinary and welcome part of my life. But I did keep my maiden name as my middle name and I’m glad it’s still officially still in there! In your case, I think it’s really cool that you’ll be able to have your maiden name as your professional name, while still taking on your new name too.
I can’t be the first person to suggest this, but have you thought about changing your name to “Jess Keys Loftus”? When my mom got married she made her maiden name her middle name and took my dad’s last name. That way she still maintains her own identity as well as showing she’s married to my dad. I’m not married, but I plan to do the same when I get married. But, as everyone else has said, do what feels right to you.
I was just about to suggest this! I got married 3 years ago and I did the same thing- I changed my last name to my husband’s last name, and changed my middle name to my maiden name. I did it for the same reasons, since I didn’t want to lose that connection to my family but also wanted the connection to my husband’s family (and have the same last name as our kids in the future without hyphenating!). Having my maiden and new last names feels totally normal to me, and I’m glad I have both as part of my identity.
You don’t have to change your name at all, but if it is something you’re going back and forth about this was the perfect choice for me. As long as you make a list of what you need to change and put aside a little time to change it, it’s not bad.
Good luck with your decision! There’s no wrong one, just do what’s best for you 🙂
4 years into the marriage and I haven’t changed last name. I thought I would but with the passing of time I wasn’t so convinced. Why would a woman change her identity just because she’s decided to be life committed?
I struggle with this, but I agree with the above comments that my inner Feminist feels so yucky when I think about changing my name. Even the double last name is not appealing because I would still change my name and he wouldn’t. I don’t think it’s a big deal to have the same last name as my kids; I’ll give them their bodies and nourishment, and he can give them his name. To me, I don’t think it’s fair to still expect women to change such a big part of them when they get married. We are a team, we gave each other rings and vows, a name doesn’t change our commitment to one another. I know he struggles a little with the tradition and the fact that it’s “just nice”, but he wants to support me and be modern. Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand the Feminist women who do change their names or do a double name, but this is the decision that feels best to me.
I got married 7 months ago and decided to hyphenate. I went back and forth about it, even before we were engaged. I definitely resonate with wanting to be “on the same team” with your husband, although I don’t think I would have lost his or his family’s support if I had kept my last name. I mainly use my maiden name professionally, and my married name with family. I will say that I had mother-figures in my life growing up that didn’t change their last names, and they hardly ever ran into any problems with it. I think that’s gotten easier as time goes on and fewer women are changing their name. Ultimately your name will always mean the most to you, so do what makes you happy!
I’m having a similar struggle with the idea of changing my last name. I’ve always been a DeLacy girl and have been responding to my last name just as much as my first for as long as I can remember. I’m also very close to my family but love so far away and I like that sense of identity it carries. Ultimately what I decided I’ll do is drop my middle name and make DeLacy my middle name – so I’ll be Kaylee DeLacy Wilson. It’s still a little overwhelming to think about, but I feel pretty happy with it! Keys is a wonderful name, but so is Loftus! You’ll rock it either way! ?
Growing up with an exotic last name that was difficult to pronounce, I couldn’t wait to change it after getting married! Soon after our wedding a couple years ago, I marched into the social security office and changed my name. I was so excited to finally share my husband’s last name (not common but so much easier to pronounce!!) but after driving away from the social security office, I was hit with an unexpected wave of sadness! I had been that person my whole life and felt like I had to get to know this new identity. The sadness passed and overall, I’m happy and feel honored to have my husband’s last name – especially now that we have a new baby. I chose to make my maiden name my middle name, so I’m glad to still have it be a part of me.
Also, you’re totally right changing your name is suuuuuch a terrible task. I was actually surprised how easy it is to legally change your name (just a simple visit to the social security office with your wedding certificate!) but it’s the tasks after (changing your work email, changing your personal email, updating your bank statements and bills, etc) that are a pain!
I can relate to your story about your last name ending with you. My maiden name, Oliver, will end with my sister (my dad has a sister and one unmarried brother), and similarly our family changed their name when my grandfather was a boy, so there aren’t many Olivers left from our actual line. But I never hesitated to change my name. Not for one single second. My family is part of a tight-knit community and I loved growing up with the security and … notoriety, maybe? that we were “the Oliver family.” We were this entity. I’ll always be part of that, but it was so important to me that my husband and I now have that and that our kids will, too. I think you have to listen to you heart, whatever it’s saying. I have friends who didn’t legally change theirs, and others who made their middle names their maiden names and actually go by both (like hyphenating without the actual hyphen). The last thing I’ll say is that (and this may vary by state) it was actually not nearly as difficult as I expected to change my name. Just DMV, social security (which took two minutes because they want to go through their easiest cases first haha) and everything else online. So if anyone’s biggest fear is the trouble of it, I found it easier than everyone warned me it would be! 🙂
Changing my name was never on the table for me – if my husband wants the same name as me he can change his. My mom kept her name and it never caused any problems for us growing up, even though my last name is very Chinese and hers has Irish origins. I always liked that her was different because it showed that she was a strong independent-minded feminist that didn’t feel the need to give in to societal pressure ?.