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The Golden Girl

Chicago Fashion and Lifestyle Blog

March 14, 2017

The Value of Community Over Competition





My dress: Old, but similar here, here, here // Shaheen’s dress (rent) or buy // Blair’s Dress // Kelly’s Dress // OTK boots in black and navy 

When people find out that some of my best friends are other Chicago bloggers, they’re a bit surprised.

I get questions like–”Don’t you guys get really competitive?” or “Does it hurt your feelings when they work with a brand and you don’t?” and “Wait…so you’re really that good of friends in real life?”

Our road trip to Shaheen’s baby shower this weekend with Kelly and Blair really reminded me of how different my life would be without them, and how much good can come out of surrounding yourself with an amazing network of people. I thought I’d get a little deeper into this concept today, and share my personal experience over the years.

Community Over Competition




I know we’ve all heard the phrase “community over competition.” Some people might think it’s all willy nilly feel-good stuff, but it’s really the most powerful thing that has not just shaped my career, but my personal life as well. And whether you’re a blogger or an accountant or an interior designer or an engineer–whatever field you decide to pursue, I think this is a concept that is always going to take you further.

I’m often asked questions like, “What’s your biggest piece of advice for success?” or “What’s your #1 tip for starting a blog?” or “What factors have gotten you furthest in your career?” and I can honestly say–choosing to value community over competition is always–and I believe, will always continue to be–my #1 biggest piece of advice.

Why this is so powerful

Back to the whole “how can you be such good friends? Don’t you get competitive?” thing.

Yeah, I used to struggle with the comparison thing. At first, it was really hard when my friend landed my dream partnership and I didn’t–especially because we seemed to be doing all the same things. It’s easy to say, “why not me?” It’s a situation we encounter in every profession–why someone else got promoted over you, why they got put on that shiny new account and you didn’t, why your coworker got that award even though you know you worked harder than they did.

It’s also easy to be cautious and selective with the helpful information you divulge, for fear that someone else will take your advice and then become more successful than you. To have the attitude of, “I got to where I am all by myself, I taught myself everything I know–so should they! I’m not going to tell them my secrets!”

But here’s the thing. Having this “why not me?” or “I’m not giving everything I know away” attitude is only hurting you–it isn’t helping you. When I learned this, everything changed.

My “work friendships” as I will call them, with Kelly, Shaheen, Blair, and my countless other blogging friends have influenced what you see and read on this blog more than you or I will probably ever realize, and I know they can say the same. It’s influenced everything from my strategy, site design, photography, my content, and yes–even how much money I make!

When you start to adopt the attitude of community over competition, your life changes.

This is true for a couple of reasons: 

1. First and foremost–every day is a learning curve, and with a support system, it turns what might feel like an overwhelming and scary experience, into a really fun adventure.

Like many self-employed professions, blogging can be really lonely. It’s not a traditional “team” environment, which is probably what I miss the most about my traditional 9-5. It’s also one big mystery–technology is constantly evolving, there’s so much information you don’t know which way is up, and sometimes it’s really hard to know whether you’re doing something right.

Sure, your friends and family can be supportive of you, but they have no idea what you’re going through. They don’t have the helpful answers you need. Words of encouragement can only go so far coming from people who aren’t familiar with your world.

Before I had blogging friends, it felt like I was throwing darts in the dark, just crossing my fingers that I’d hit the dart board. But when I made blogging friends, that all changed.

2. On the flip-side, my work friendships have also pushed me to constantly learn, evolve, and grow, every day. Rather than hide the secrets to what is working for us and what isn’t, we share them–to help each other grow, too. This has created a momentum that constantly enables and inspires each of us to continue pushing our own personal boundaries.

The concept of “competition” moved away from the attitude of, “I need to one-up you,” to “damn girl, you’re killing it. I need to get on your level!”

We all bring something very different to the table. One person’s weakness is another person’s strength–together, we fill in the knowledge gaps to create something really powerful.

And over time, this didn’t just improve our careers–”work friends” morphed into “real friends” and “best friends”–friends who will be at my wedding (and in my wedding)–friends I can’t imagine my life without. That’s something I never would’ve imagined a few years ago.

What this means for you

No matter what you do for a living, I know you can identify with the struggles listed above. It’s just part of having a career.

Start setting up regular happy hours with your work friends. Create a recurring “check-in” meeting with your closest coworker, and share what you’ve been struggling with. I guarantee that airing your struggles will bring about solutions you’ve never thought of, helpful hints that will truly improve your career and your personal life.

Or if you’re someone who is self employed, email someone in your community who is at your same level. Chances are, you’re going through the same things, and you’ll find so many ways that you can help each other. Even just having someone to talk to who really knows what you go through day in and day out can be a game-changer.

Whatever it is–make a point this week to get the ball rolling. I promise, you won’t regret it!

What is your experience with community over competition? 

 

Filed Under: Advice, Personal notes

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Comments

  1. Shaheen Khan | Lows to Luxe says

    March 14, 2017 at 11:23 am

    Why are you always filled with such good advice? I’m so lucky to have found you girls and this weekend was seriously the best. I couldn’t agree more, people are so scared to open up but learning from you guys has contributed to so much of my happiness and success with blogging. Love you beefington <3

    Reply
    • Jess says

      March 15, 2017 at 8:24 am

      LOVE YOU!! I can’t wait to be Baby T’s crazy auntie!!!

      Reply
  2. Kelly Larkin says

    March 14, 2017 at 11:34 am

    I love you so much! Thank you for being my biggest supporter in this field, and for being my best friend. <3 "Lucky" doesn't seem to do it justice! LOVE YOU!

    Reply
    • Jess says

      March 15, 2017 at 8:24 am

      LOVE YOU!!!!

      Reply
  3. Meagan says

    March 14, 2017 at 11:45 am

    Love this post! Truer words have never been spoken! You are so lucky to have such amazing friends who understand and support you. I am a self employed attorney and have found that my best friends are other lawyers who understand what I experience on a daily basis.

    Reply
    • Jess says

      March 15, 2017 at 8:23 am

      Yes! So glad you’ve found the same, Meagan!

      Reply
  4. Caitlin says

    March 14, 2017 at 12:12 pm

    I love this post! The genuine friendship and support between you all is evident through each of your blogs. It’s really refreshing. Great pic of you girls too!

    Caitlin | http://sunnystyleblog.com/

    Reply
    • Jess says

      March 15, 2017 at 8:23 am

      Thanks Caitlin! 🙂

      Reply
  5. Devon says

    March 14, 2017 at 1:29 pm

    Love this post, Jess! Having not only a blogger community but a true support system is the most important thing. You ladies are so lucky to have each other!! 🙂 xo Devon Seventeen Dresses

    Reply
    • Jess says

      March 15, 2017 at 8:23 am

      Thanks Devon! I know, we really are!

      Reply
  6. Martina Menzini says

    March 15, 2017 at 7:08 am

    I love your take on this. In my case as a blogger in Vienna, Austria, the difference is that I would love to find my local blogging community here but they are all about competition! I have some kick-ass online (blogger) friends and we network and support one another 100%. Still, I’d love to find like-minded people to meet and talk to face-to-face here in Vienna. I attended blog conferences, I did my best to reach out but it was always very one-sided. They would only reach out if they needed something from me which was very frustrating. So, I get what you’re saying, I am the same way but I can’t really live by my believes in the local not-existent community.

    Reply
    • Jess says

      March 15, 2017 at 8:23 am

      That is so upsetting to hear, Martina! I am so sorry! Don’t give up! I’m sure you will find someone who shares this point of view eventually!

      Reply
      • Martina Menzini says

        March 15, 2017 at 2:45 pm

        Don’t be upset. I just wanted to show you, that even if you are in the right mindset, it can be difficult 🙂 Thanks for sharing, though! xo

        Reply
  7. Amy says

    March 15, 2017 at 9:10 am

    Love this post! And love that as a fellow Chicago gal I’ve found a great group of smart, successful women to follow who help me dress/decorate/feel motivated to workout AND pursue my career!

    Reply
  8. CelebratingthisLife says

    March 16, 2017 at 9:40 am

    I just loved reading this! I have a great tribe of fellow bloggers who love to help one another…but I also have a few blogging friends who prefer to keep everything to themselves. I always think that it’s sad that they can’t open up and trust the rest of us, since we always share all of our tips. The best thing I have learned is to realize it’s more about them and their inability to trust, and not about trying to hurt the rest of us. Glad to see you’ve got a lovely network of ladies! xx Rox-Anne, Celebratingthislife.ca

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Ric Rac - Kelly in the City says:
    March 15, 2017 at 12:22 am

    […] Jess wrote this really amazing post yesterday that quite literally brought me to tears. I love you, Jess. Feel so lucky to have you in my life! <3 PS — I wore this dress, which is sadly sold out, but the rest of English Factory is amazing! And speaking of scallops, I recently picked up this bathing suit for LA and am so in love. 🙂 […]

    Reply
  2. So Much Better Together – TheCreativeCollab says:
    February 5, 2018 at 7:43 am

    […] her post, “The Value of Community over Competition,” Jess Keys, from The Golden Girl blog, hits on the topics of recognizing the beauty in sharing […]

    Reply

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